生活就像对你最爱的那首歌的戏仿 Life is like a parody of your favorite song.
当你以为你知道所有的单词时， Just when you think you know all the words,
惊讶，你什么都不知道 surprise, you don't know anything.
让开，让开! Clear the way, clear the way!
——明确!-请把门关上! - Clear! - Shut that door, please!
明确! Clear!
该死的。该死的! Dammit. Dammit!
好了，护士，就这样吧。 All right, nurse, let's call it.
死亡时间:7点半… Time of death: 7:30...
快! Quick!
我需要一些纸和一支二号铅笔。 I need some paper, and a number two pencil.
<我>但是…也许我说得有点超前了。 But... maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself.
为什么我们不从头开始呢 Why don't we start back at the beginning.
所有华达呢西装现在都打7折 All gabardine suits are now 30% off.
Jenkins in to windup， Jenkins in to the windup,
，三-二快速球在… and the three-two fastball is in the...
尼克松总统在飞机上 President Nixon is on board Air...
呜-呜-呜-呜把你的收音机关上! Whoo-whoo-whoo wind up your radio!
这是 Demento博士秀的时间， It's time for The Dr. Demento Show,
两个小时疯狂的音乐和疯狂的喜剧 two hours of mad music and crazy comedy
-从档案…——阿飞! - from out of the archives... - Alfy!
我们不是跟你说过不要听那些垃圾音乐吗? What have we told you about listening to that garbage?
但是妈妈，是德曼托医生。这是我最喜欢的节目了。 But Mom, it's Dr. Demento. It's my favorite show in the whole world.
它会腐蚀你的大脑。 It's going to rot your brain.
你该庆幸你父亲没来抓你，先生。 You're lucky your father wasn't here to catch you, mister.
你知道他对那种音乐的看法。 You know how he feels about that kind of music.
是的,我知道。 Yes, I know.
好的。去吧，去洗个澡。 All right. Now go on, go get washed up.
晚饭几分钟后就好。 Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.
阿飞，你不问问你爸爸今天过得怎么样吗? Alfy, aren't you going to ask your father how his day was?
你今天过得怎么样，爸爸? Um, how was your day, Dad?
我今天过得怎么样? What, how was my day?
工厂里又有人死亡了。 We had another fatality down at the factory.
天啊，这次真的很可怕。 Oh, God, real grisly one this time.
是上周来的那个麦金利小子。 It was that McKinley kid that started last week.
我一直跟他说别乱来了 I kept telling him to stop messing around
被那个工业碎纸机撕碎了，但他就是不听。 by that industrial shredder, but he just wouldn't listen.
我会伸手抓住他， I would've reached out and grabbed him,
但我已经被那该死的机器夺走一只手了 but I already lost one hand to that cursed machine.
好吧，不管怎样，工厂有个空缺。 Well, anyway, there's an opening down on the factory floor.
也许我能帮你牵线搭桥 Maybe I could pull a few strings
整个夏天你都可以和你老爸一起工作。 and you could spend the summer working with your old man.
听起来怎么样? How's that sound?
不用了，谢谢。 Um, no, thank you.
“不,谢谢。” "No, thank you."
你迟早要学会的， Well, you're gonna have to learn sooner or later,
那个工厂，那个工厂会把你培养成一个男人。 that factory, that factory will make a man outta you.
但我不想在工厂工作。我想做歌。 But I don't wanna work at the factory. I wanna make songs.
什么?你想做歌吗?玛丽，你听到了吗? What? You wanna make songs? Did you hear that, Mary?
我们手上有一个普通的平·克罗斯贝，不是吗? We got a regular Bing Crosby on our hands, don't we?
尼克，你让他尴尬了。 Nick, you're embarrassing him.
哦,我吗?不如你给我们唱首小曲吧，宾? Oh, am I? Why don't you sing us a little ditty, Bing, huh?
真是只小歌鸟。为我们唱一首。 Such a little songbird. Sing one for us.
停,停!你到底在干什么? Stop, stop! What in God's name are you doing?
这话说得不对。 Those aren't the right words.
我知道。我让他们变好了。 I know. I made 'em better.
把一首著名歌曲的歌词改了? By changing the lyrics to a well-known song?
不，孩子，你的所作所为既令人困惑又邪恶。 No, boy, what you're doing is confusing and evil.
我的天，我不会的 My God, and I will not have
在我自己的家里被这样亵渎。 that kind of blasphemy in my own home.
但爸爸…… But Dad...
你怎么了，阿尔弗雷德? What has gotten into you, Alfred?
嗯?那些歌，那些疯狂的杂志? Hmm? With the songs and the crazy magazines?
这一切都得停止了，年轻人! That is all gonna stop now, young man!
亲爱的，我知道你很难接受， Honey, I know it's hard to hear this,
但我和你爸谈了很久 but your dad and I had a long talk
我们一致认为这对大家都好 and we agreed it would be best for all of us
如果你不再做你自己，不再做你喜欢的事。 if you would just stop being who you are and doing the things you love.
你不了解我! You don't understand me!
那是几个星期后的事了 It was a few weeks later
当一个神秘的陌生人出现在我的门口 when a mysterious stranger showed up at my door
永远地改变了我的生活 and changed my life forever.
阿飞，去开门。 Alfy, get the door.
噢，下午好，先生。我想是主人吧? Why, good afternoon, sir. The gentleman of the house, I take it?
好,祝贺你。今天是你的幸运日。 Well, congratulations. Today is your lucky day.
你想成为所有朋友羡慕的对象吗 How would you like to be the envy of all of your friends
镇上最受欢迎的人是谁? and the most popular fellow in town?
你需要做的一切… Well, everything you need to make that happen...
就在这个盒子里。 is right here in this box.
嗯，我爸爸实际上是… Um, my dad is actually...
瞧。 Voila.
让你大饱眼福。 Feast your eyes.
你见过这么华丽的乐器吗? Have you ever seen such a gorgeous instrument?
最好是穿上试试。 Better yet, try it on.
儿子，当你拉手风琴的时候，你就是一个人的乐队。 Son, when you play the accordion, you are a one-man band.
你是每个派对的生命。 You are the life of every party.
去吧，孩子，好好享受吧。 Go ahead, son, tickle those ivories.
一个天赋。 A natural talent.
孩子，你不能浪费这一切。 Son, you cannot squander that.
你一定要买这个美，我保证， You have got to buy this beauty, and I guarantee it,
姑娘们会在街角等着你。 you are gonna have girls lined up around the corner.
你需要一个救生员 You're gonna need a lifeguard
因为你会被淹死的 because you're gonna be drowning
-在这么多p…——嘿!这是怎么呢 - in so much p... - Hey! What's going on?
你好，先生。 And hello to you, sir.
你在我家做什么? What are you doing in my house?
为什么我天真的孩子要戴着那个恶魔的挤压盒? And why is my innocent young child wearing that devil's squeeze box?
那是我们最新的… That's actually our newest...
我不是叫你闭嘴吗! I thought I told you to shut up!
我不记得你之前叫我闭嘴， I don't remember you telling me to shut up before,
但如果你现在告诉我，我很乐意…… but if you're telling me now, I will gladly...
爸爸! Dad!
啊! Ah!
爸爸,停!你杀了他! Dad, stop! You're killing him!
尼克?哦，尼克，哦，尼克! Nick? Oh, Nick, oh, Nick!
不,尼克!嘿!尼基，快住手! No, Nick! Hey! Nicky, stop it right now!
是你逼我这么做的，孩子。 You made me do this, boy.
是你把恶魔带进屋的。现在看看你。 You brought this evil into the house. And now look at you.
看看你。 Look at you.
马上把那恶魔般的怪物拿开。 Take that devilish monstrosity off this very instant.
我不想再看到你穿它了! I don't wanna see you ever wearing it again!
尼克，你去散个步吧? Nick, why don't you go take a little walk?
我想你最好冷静下来。 I think you'd better cool off.
是的。是的。 Yeah. Yeah.
我想呼吸点新鲜空气，这里太臭了。 I could use some fresh air because it stinks in here.
我马上回来。不要去任何地方。 I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere.
我就在这儿。 I'll be right here.
先生，对此我很抱歉。 Mister, I'm so sorry about this.
我丈夫，他只是有点脾气， My husband, he just has a little bit of a temper,
但他是个好人，他是好意，但无论如何， but he is a good man and he means well, but anyway,
如果你愿意接受， if you're amenable to it,
我们想买那架手风琴。 we'd like to buy that accordion.
妈妈!你的意思是吗? Mom! You mean it?
你觉得提早收到圣诞礼物怎么样? How do you feel about an early Christmas present?
是的!这是有史以来最好的事情!非常感谢! Yes! This is the best thing ever! Thank you so much!
只有一件事。 There's just one thing.
没人能看到你玩，尤其是你父亲。 No one can see you playing it, especially your father.
这是我们的秘密。你明白我的意思吗? This is our secret. Do you understand me?
妈妈……爸爸恨我吗? Mom... does Dad hate me?
不，当然不是，亲爱的。 No, of course not, sweetie.
那他为什么总是对我这么严厉? Then why is he always so hard on me?
听着，你还太小，现在还不明白， Listen, you're too young to understand now,
但相信我，你父亲有他的理由。 but just trust me, your father has his reasons.
我想我是肺萎陷了。 I think I have a collapsed lung.
我们正试着谈话呢，先生。 We're trying to have a conversation here, sir.
在接下来的几年里，我缄口不言 For the next few years I kept to myself,
和尽我最大的努力取悦妈妈和爸爸， and tried my best to please Mom and Dad,
但是在内心深处，我觉得我生活在一个谎言中 but deep down, I felt like I was living a lie.
<我>确定。我很乖，成绩好， Sure. I was well-behaved, I got good grades,
但我从不让任何人知道真实的我 but I never let anyone know the real me.
杨科维奇，你今晚要去参加霍夫斯塔德的派对吗? Hey, Yankovic, you going to that party at Hofstadter's tonight?
-他父母出城了。-哎呀，伙计们，我不知道。 - His parents are out of town. - Ah, geez, guys, I don't know.
我不被允许参加派对。 I'm not really allowed to go to parties.
你不需要得到父母的允许。只是偷偷溜走。 You don't need to have your parents' permission. Just sneak out.
我想我做不到。 I-I don't think I can.
我妈妈总是给我盖好被子以防我夜惊。 My mom always tucks me in in case I have night terrors.
你有夜惊吗? You have night terrors?
不,我……你知道，只是以防万一。 No, I... You know, just in case.
好吧，那就用干草男孩吧。 Well, just use a hay boy, then.
一个干草的男孩吗?那是什么? A hay boy? What's that?
你不知道什么是快乐男孩吗? You don't know what a hay boy is?
老兄，你要学的还多着呢。 Oh, dude, you've got a lot to learn.
让我们来处理一切吧。我们今晚来接你。 Just let us handle everything. We'll pick you up tonight.
好吧,是的。 Okay, yeah.
夜晚,阿飞。别让臭虫给你带来夜惊。 Night-night, Alfy. Don't let the bed bugs give you night terrors.
我是说，迈伦·弗洛伦很棒，劳伦斯·威尔克也很喜欢他， I mean, Myron Floren is great and all, Lawrence Welk sure likes him,
但他曝光太多了。 but he's way too overexposed.
在我看来，是乌比·约翰·威尔法特 For my money, it's Whoopee John Wilfahrt
那真的让我跳来跳去。 that really gets me just hoppin' and steppin'.
我喜欢明尼苏达的声音，伙计。 I'm all about that Minnesota sound, man.
看看我找到了什么! Look what I found!
嘿,嘿!你可没告诉我这是波尔卡舞会啊。 Hey, hey! Hey, you didn't tell me that this was gonna be a polka party.
-怎么，你不喜欢波尔卡吗?-不，我喜欢，这… - What, do you not like polka? - No, I like it, it's...
如果我父母知道我在这里，他们会杀了我的? My parents would kill me if they knew I was here, okay?
我非常非常抱歉，伙计们。I-I-I要走了。我不能……我不能待在这里，伙计。 I'm so, so sorry, guys. I-I-I gotta go. I can't... I can't be here, man.
别这样，艾尔，放松点!还能有什么更糟的呢? Come on, Al. Live a little! What's the worse that could happen?
你可能真的会放松警惕，享受一次你的生活? You might actually let your guard down and enjoy your life for once?
是的，是的，我可以…让我放松警惕。 Yeah, yeah, I can... let my guard down.
嘿…和抱歉。 Hey... and sorry.
嘿，各位，看看我找到了什么! Hey, everybody, look what I found!
伙计，传过来。通过它。 Dude, pass it here. Pass it.
好吧,伙计。好的。 Okay, dude. Okay.
,在这里。你得试试这个。 Al, here. You gotta try this.
哦,不。不,不,谢谢。我很好。 Oh, no. No, no, thanks. I'm good.
艾尔害怕他的爸爸妈妈 Al's afraid his mommy and daddy
会发现他试过手风琴。 are gonna find out he tried an accordion.
我只是不想玩，好吗?别碰我了，伙计! I just don't wanna play, okay? Just, just lay off me, man!
不,男人…… No, guys...
我不会… I'm not gonna...
我不是…我不是…我不是… I'm not... I'm not... I'm not...
好的。是的,当然。我会玩,是的。 Okay. Yeah, sure. I'll play, yeah.
这是警察!每一个人,快跑! It's the cops! Everyone, run!
很抱歉打扰你，女士， I'm sorry to disturb you, ma'am,
但恐怕我们在波尔卡舞会上找到了你儿子。 but I'm afraid we found your son at a polka party.
他在拉手风琴。 He was playing an accordion.
这是不可能的。阿飞的…… That's impossible. Alfy's in...
一个干草的男孩吗?真的吗? A hay boy?! Really?
我做了什么让你这样对我?嗯? What did I do to deserve this, huh? Huh?
我好像都不认识你了，艾尔。 It's like I don't even know you anymore, Al.
你想让我像你一样。看看我，我和你完全不一样。 You want me to be like you. Look at me, I'm nothing like you.
你想让我去那家工厂工作。 You want me to work that factory.
好吧，我都不知道你在下面赚多少。 Okay, I don't even know what you make down there.
你就叫它工厂吧。 You just call it the factory.
你会知道我们在工厂做什么 You will find out what we make at the factory
当你在工厂工作的时候! when you work at the factory!
这是我的生活，我想做音乐 Well, it's my life, and I wanna make music
我想拉手风琴。 and I wanna play the accordion.
啊,废话! Ah, hogwash!
我很好。我真的，真的很好! And I'm good. I'm really, really good!
你怎么弹得这么好手风琴的?嗯? How did you get good at playing the accordion, huh? Huh?
它肯定不在我的屋檐下，对吧? It certainly wasn't under my roof, was it?
你做了什么，偷偷溜出去在树林里练习 What'd you do, sneak out and practice in the woods
大半夜的? in the middle of the night?
不。我在这里安静地演奏。 No. I played it here, quietly.
是的，我在壁橱里玩。 Yeah, I play in the closet.
但我不再是一个隐秘的手风琴手了。 But I'm not a closet accordion player anymore.
感觉很好! It feels good!
你是说衣柜? The closet, you say?
嗯… Hmm...
不不不。爸爸,爸爸,嘿。嘿，嘿，嘿，爸爸。 No-no-no. Dad, Dad, hey. Hey, hey, hey, Dad.
不不不。你不会…它不在里面。 No-no-no. You're not going... It's not in there.
你在里面什么也找不到。 You're not gonna find anything in there.
爸爸，你在做什么?不,不,爸爸……不不不不…… Dad, what are you doing? No, no, Dad... No-no-no-no...
爸爸,没有。爸爸,请。 Dad, no. Dad, please.
——嗯?——停止,停止。 - Uh-huh? - Stop, stop.
——男孩。——停止。阻止它。 - Boy. - Stop. Stop it.
——男孩,这……-请,爸爸。拜托!不不不! - Boy, this... - Please, Dad. Please! No-no-no!
这是为你好，孩子。 This is for your own good, boy.
不，我需要这个，我需要这个 No, I need this, I need this...
人参公鸡! Nooo!
不，不，不，不! No, no, no, no, no!
你……你以为你能阻止我玩吗? You... You think you're gonna stop me from playing?
你会看到。总有一天我会成为最棒的… You'll see. One day I'm gonna be the best...
也许技术上不是最好的， Well, perhaps not technically the best,
但可以说是最著名的手风琴手 but arguably the most famous accordion player
在一种非常特殊的音乐类型中。 in an extremely specific genre of music.
我将向您展示。 I'll show you.
我会给大家! I'll show everybody!
滚出去! Get out!
终于解脱了! Good riddance!
从那以后家里的情况就再也没有好转过 Things at home never got any better after that.
但是没过几年，我就毕业了 But within a few years, I graduated
，我可以搬出去自己住 and I was able to move out and live on my own.
嗯，和另外三个人住在一间非常便宜的公寓里 Well, with three other guys in a dirt-cheap apartment,
但关键是，我不需要回答任何人 but the point is, I didn't have to answer to anybody.
——嘿,嘿。-你好。 - Hey, hey. - Howdy.
现在我有机会找到其他人 Now I'd have a chance to find others
谁会真正理解我 who would truly understand me.
我可以找到我的人。 I could find my people.
好的。 Okay.
-好了，够了。谢谢。毫米。 - Okay, that's enough. Thanks. - Mm.
是的。非常……很有趣。 Yeah. Very... very interesting.
所以…我们会通知你的，好吗? So... we'll let you know, okay?
太好了。嗯,什么时候? Great. Um, when?
现在。你没能成功。 Right now. You didn't make it.
这糟透了。 This sucks.
这是我这周第五次被赶出海选了。 It's the fifth audition I've been kicked out of this week.
就好像没人想在乐队里有手风琴手一样。 It's almost like nobody wants an accordion player in their band.
这根本说不通。 That just doesn't make any sense.
是的。手风琴很酷。 Yeah. Accordions are cool.
这就是站在前沿的问题所在。 That's the problem with being on the bleeding edge.
你得等着世界的其他人来追上你。 You gotta wait for the rest of the world to catch up with you.
我没时间等了。 I don't have time to wait.
如果没人想让我加入他们的小组， If nobody wants to have me in their group,
我只能自己动手了。 I'm just gonna have to go it in on my own.
别担心，你会成功的。 Don't worry, it's gonna happen for you.
你要坚持住。我们支持你。 You just gotta hang in there. We got your back.
谢谢,百慕大。所有的你们。你真是太好了。 Thanks, Bermuda. All you guys. You've just been so great.
你真懂我。 You really get me.
和父母一起生活了这么久，这是一个很大的不同。 It is such a difference after living with my folks for so long.
是的。你知道吗，离开家最好的地方 Yeah. And you know, the best part of moving away from home
你可以做任何你想做的事。勾搭女孩… is you can do anything you want. Hook up with girls...
一直嗑药。 Get high all the time.
是的，我是说，任何事都可以。没有规则。 Yeah, I mean, literally anything. There are no rules.
就在昨晚，我开车的时候 Just last night, I was driving
闭着眼睛在101高速公路的另一边， down the wrong side of the 101 with my eyes closed,
不知道自己是否能活到第二天 not knowing whether I was gonna live to see another day
或者死于一场可怕的大火。 or die in a horrible, fiery wreck.
去死吧，爸爸妈妈。 Suck on that, Mom and Dad.
-是的。你懂的，史蒂夫。-你去吧，史蒂夫。 - Yeah. You get it, Steve. - You go, Steve.
哦,哇,史蒂夫。 Oh, wow, Steve.
你呢，艾尔? What about you, Al?
有什么事是你一直想做的， What's something you always wanted to do,
但你从未被允许这么做? but you were never allowed to?
为一首已经存在的歌曲创造新词。 Make up new words to a song that already exists.
-哦，那你就应该这么做。——当然。 - Oh, well, you should do that, then. - Absolutely.
是的。你为什么不现在就做呢?继续。编造一些精彩的东西。 Yeah. Why don't you do it right now? Go on. Make up something brilliant.
不，伙计们，没那么容易。我得等灵感来袭， No, guys, it's not that easy. I gotta wait for inspiration to strike,
我很确定那口井很久以前就干涸了。 and I'm pretty sure that well dried up a long time ago.
好吧，如果你不打算给我们写歌， Oh, well, if you're not gonna write us a song,
你给我们做点三明治吧? why don't you make us some sandwiches?
是啊，伙计，我饿死了。 Oh, yeah, dude, I'm starving.
三明治!三明治!三明治! Sandwich! Sandwich! Sandwich!
好吧,好吧,好吧。伙计们，我这就去。吉姆，你想放点曲子吗? Okay, okay, okay. Guys, I'm on it. Jim, you wanna put on some tunes?
是的。 Yeah.
哦,史蒂夫?这香肠上有你的名字。 Oh, Steve? This bologna has your name on it.
——我们可以吗?-嗯，当然。 - Can we? - Uh, yeah, sure.
打开一包我做的腊肠吧。 Just open up a package of my bologna.
这个DJ睡着了吗?唱片一直在跳。 Is this DJ asleep? The record keeps skipping.
嘿!醒来。 Hey! Wake up.
艾尔? Al?
你没事吧? You okay?
这是从哪里来的? Where did that come from?
哥们，我浑身发冷。 Dude, I've got chills.
我不知道，是我自己想出来的。 I don't know, it just came out of me.
我这辈子从没听过这样的话。 I've never heard anything like that before in my life.
你必须记录下来。 You have to record that.
记录吗?别这样，伙计们。 Record it? No, come on, guys.
艾尔，你发现了一些东西。 Al, you've got something here.
我不知道它是来自上帝还是魔鬼， I don't know if it comes from God or the devil,
但世界需要听到它。 but the world needs to hear it.
算了吧，伙计们。我没钱建录音棚。 No, forget it, guys. I don't have the money for a recording studio.
我觉得汽车站的浴室音响效果很好。 I think the bathroom at the bus station has pretty good acoustics.
是啊，听起来不错。 Yeah, sounds good in here.
你可以把它放在这里，这样就行了。 You can put it right there, that works.
好的。刚把带子寄给小丑队长了。 All right. Just mailed the tape off to Captain Buffoon.
现在，我想，我要做的就是坐等成名。 Now, I guess, all I gotta do is sit back and wait to become famous.
是啊，我觉得事情不是这样的，艾尔。 Yeah, I don't think that's quite how it works, Al.
没有人能一夜成名。这是一个神话。 Nobody becomes famous overnight. That's a myth.
有时候需要几年，几十年的努力才能引起注意。 Sometimes it takes years, decades of hard work to get noticed.
——什么?-听着，我相信你 - What? - Look, I believe in you.
我知道总有一天你也会这样， I know it's gonna happen for you someday,
但你不能把你的磁带寄给某个音乐主持人 but you can't just mail your tape off to some disc jockey
并期待着立即成为轰动一时的人物。 and expect to instantly become a sensation.
伙计，我怎么就不能喘口气? Man, why can't I catch a break?
小丑船长在你的无线电拨号盘上。 Captain Buffoon on your radio dial.
不，我没有编这个… No, I'm not making this up...
我几分钟前刚收到这盘磁带的邮件， I just received this tape in the mail a few minutes ago,
我还能说什么?这是一种瞬间的感觉! and what can I say? It's an instant sensation!
这已经是本周最热门的歌曲， It's already the number one most-requested song of the week,
，我们玩了一整天。 and we're playing it all day long.
所以，又来了，艾尔·扬科维奇的《我的博洛尼亚》 So, here it is, once again, Al Yankovic with "My Bologna!"
再一次! Again!
你知道这意味着什么，对吧? You know what this means, right?
你得给自己找份唱片合约。 You gotta get yourself a record deal.
我听够了。 I've heard enough.
你觉得怎么样? And what did you think?
你知道他们为什么叫它“音乐生意”吗? Do you know why they call it the "music business"?
哦,为什么? Uh, why?
因为这是一门生意。 Because it's a business.
这是一个业务! It's a business!
动动脑筋，孩子。 Use your head, kid.
没人想听恶搞歌曲 Nobody wants to hear a parody song
当他们能以同样的价格听到真正的音乐。 when they can hear the real thing for the same price.
有什么意义? What's the point?
是啊，这在经济上毫无意义。 Yeah, it makes no financial sense, whatsoever.
我的歌其实是 Uh, my-my-my song was actually
在小丑船长秀中大受欢迎。 a-a big hit on The Captain Buffoon Show.
——哦!——什么? - Oh! - What?
队长小丑?真的吗? Captain Buffoon? Really?
-是的。——等待,等待。 - Yeah. - Wait, wait.
小丑队长真的在收音机里放了你的歌吗? Captain Buffoon actually played your song on the radio?
是的。 Yeah.
你为什么不告诉我们?这改变了一切。 Why didn't you tell us? This changes everything.
本，马上给这位年轻人签一份唱片合同。 Ben, get this young gentleman a record contract this very instant.
我们要和他签14张专辑。 We are gonna sign him to a 14-album deal.
等待,真的吗? Wait, really?
不!你以为我是谁，白痴吗? No! What do you think I am, an idiot?
-他不是白痴!-我不是白痴! - He's not an idiot! - I'm not an idiot!
-请允许我插句话。——请。 - If I may interject here. - Please.
听着，我只想说 Look, I'd just like to say
你居然敢来这里 that you got some nerve coming in here
浪费我和我哥哥托尼的时间 and wasting my time and my brother Tony's time.
我会记住你的名字，因为你，艾尔·扬科维奇， I'm gonna remember your name because you, Al Yankovic,
是最没有天赋，最可悲的失败者吗 are the most untalented, pathetic loser
我这辈子见过的最好的人 that I've ever met in my entire life.
好的,嗯,也许…… Okay, um, maybe...
你只是个笨蛋，一个愚蠢无用的寄生虫， You're nothing but a hack, a stupid, useless parasite,
-你太丑了。-好吧… - and you're so ugly. - Okay...
那可笑的发型，那可怕的胡子， That ridiculous hair, that horrible mustache,
愚蠢的眼镜。 stupid glasses.
你让我想吐! You make me wanna throw up!
好的，谢谢。谢谢你,本。 All right, thank you. Thank you, Ben.
谢谢你，本，谢谢你的想法。 Thank you, Ben, for your, for your thoughts.
——谢谢。——呀。 - Thank you. - Jeez.
——啊。——看,孩子, - Ugh. - Look, kid,
如果你真的一心想做这种愚蠢的音乐， if you really have your heart set on doing this stupid music,
也许可以写多首歌。 maybe write more than one song.
是啊，所有最大牌的歌手都有不止一首歌曲。 Yeah, all the biggest musical acts have more than one song in their catalog.
这是非常真实的。 That's very true.
还有，在现场观众面前。 And also, get out in front of a live audience.
任何观众，任何舞台， Any audience, any stage,
走出去，增强你的能力，谁知道呢? just get out there, build up your chops, and who knows?
也许有一天……我们会再谈。 Maybe someday... we'll talk again.
但不要指望它，因为你真的很差劲。 But don't count on it because you truly suck.
正确的。 Right.
好的。 Okay.
谢谢你！我们是臭鼬呕吐! Thank you! We are Skunk Barf!
你们吸! You guys suck!
我做不到。我做不到。 I can't do this. I can't do this.
放松点，你会做得很好的。 Just relax, you'll be great.
是啊，这首新歌真的很火。 Yeah, the new song's a bona fide hit.
是关于冰淇淋的! It's about ice cream!
每个人都喜欢冰淇淋。 Everybody likes ice cream.
这看起来更像是威士忌…海洛因的人群。 This seems like more of a whiskey and... heroin crowd.
听着，伙计们，我很感谢你们在这里给予我精神上的支持， Look, guys, I appreciate you being here for moral support and everything,
但他们真的要杀了我。我们得马上离开。 but they are literally gonna kill me. We need to leave right now.
别傻了，伙计。他们会喜欢你的。 Don't be silly, man. They're gonna love you.
好了，我们拿到了大部分的血 All right, we got, uh, most of the blood
舞台被清理干净了，你可以上场了。 cleaned off the stage, so you're on, now.
-去发动汽车。-不，你能行的，艾尔 - Go start the car. - Nah, you got this, Al.
这是你们的时刻。去干掉他们，冠军。 This is your moment. Go get 'em, champ.
去他们。 Go get 'em.
好了，好了，谁想再听点音乐? All right, all right, who's ready for some more music?
好了，走到舞台旁边， Okay, uh, coming next to the stage,
这家伙是第一次，艾尔·扬科维奇。 it's this guy's first time, Al Yankovic.
嘿。 Hey.
对不起。 Sorry.
啊，不错的夏威夷衬衫，捕兽人约翰! Ah, nice Hawaiian shirt, Trapper John!
嗯… Um...
嘘! Boo!
这家伙需要帮助。 This guy needs some help.
给我一杯龙舌兰酒和两勺朗姆酒葡萄干。 Gimme a shot of tequila and two scoops of rum raisin.
我们这里不卖冰淇淋。 We don't sell ice cream here.
你最好在这首歌结束前把它卖了 You better start selling it before this song's over
否则你就会有暴动了。 or you're gonna have a riot on your hands.
你们怎么不告诉我你们会打?你太棒了。 Why didn't you guys tell me you could play? You're great.
我想直到现在它才显得有意义。 I guess it didn't seem relevant 'til now.
谢谢你！ Thank you!
哦,嘿。 Oh, hey.
哦!你精神错乱的博士。 Oh! You're Dr. Demento.
哦,哇。我是你的超级粉丝。我真不敢相信。 Oh, wow. I, I am such a huge fan. I can't believe this.
我这辈子都在听你的节目。 I've been listening to your show my entire life.
呜——呜——呜，把收音机的发条打开…… Whoo-whoo-whoo, wind up your radio...
-别这么做。——对不起。 - Don't do that. - Sorry.
嗯，你看演出了吗? Um, did you see the show?
我做到了。让我告诉你，孩子。 I did. And let me tell you something, kid.
每隔一段时间，我就能发现一个天才 Every once in a great while, I can spot a talent
我知道他会直奔巅峰 that I know is headed straight to the top.
神经Norvus, Nervous Norvus,
菲舍尔野人, Wild Man Fischer,
而现在……你。 and now... you.
今晚你在舞台上的表演让我大吃一惊! What I saw you do on that stage tonight blew my mind!
我告诉你，你已经破解了密码。你发现了一些特别的东西。 I'm telling you, you've cracked the code. You're onto something special.
我是说，你，你，你根本不知道 Wow, I mean, you, you, you have no idea
你这么说对我意味着什么。 what it means for me to hear you say that.
-非常感谢。-哦… - Thank you so much. - Oh...
我只希望斯科蒂兄弟也这么想。 I only wish the Scotti Brothers felt the same way.
啊,那些西装。他们认不出真正的人才 Ah, those suits. They couldn't recognize real talent
如果它用死鱼扇他们的脸。 if it slapped them in the face with a dead fish.
但我也许能让他们注意到你。 But I might be able to get them to notice you.
如何? How?
跟紧我，好吗? Well, stick with me, huh?
我对这一行略知一二。 I know a little something about the biz.
等等，你是说你想做我的导师吗? Uh, wait, are-are you saying you want to be my mentor?
不，我是说我想成为你的…de-mentor ! No, I'm saying I want to be your... de-mentor!
但首先，我们得给你找个艺名。 But first, we gotta find you a stage name.
我是说，艾尔·扬科维奇。呃,薄板。 I mean, Al Yankovic. Ugh, blech.
现在可不会让人脱口而出，对吧? Doesn't exactly trip off the tongue now, does it?
我猜不是。 I guess not.
它太笨重了。它是长的。这是笨拙的。这个名字很难发音。 It's so clunky. It's long. It's ungainly. It's hard to pronounce.
对不起。 Sorry.
现在，我要把这个扔出去。 Now, I'm just gonna throw this out there.
你愿意把你的名字改成…… Would you be willing to change your name to...
奇怪的……艾尔Yankovic吗? Weird... Al Yankovic?
我爱它。 I love it.
太好了。太棒了! Great. Great!
这周末我要在家里办个小型泳池派对。 Hey, I'm having a little pool party at the house this weekend.
我很乐意把你介绍给一些人。 I'd love to introduce you to some folks.
你过来看看怎么样 What do you say you come on by,
我们到洞穴里再继续聊。 we'll continue this conversation at the grotto.
是的,当然! Yes, of course!
嗯哼。别忘了保持精神错乱! Mm-hmm. And don't forget to stay demented!
你明白了。 You got it.
H-H-Hey !他来了，我的新巨星。 H-H-Hey! There he is, my newest superstar.
真高兴你能来。 Ah, so glad you could make it.
我跟大家说了你的事 I've been telling everyone about you,
看来你把你的乐队带来了。 and, uh, looks like you've brought your band.
好的,很好。 Okay, fine.
那边有一些canapés，先生们。 Uh, there's some canapés right over there, gentlemen.
帮助自己。让我带你四处看看，好吗? Help yourselves. So, let me show you around, okay?
每个人都渴望见到你。哦，这边走。 Everyone's dying to meet you. Oh, right this way.
-赫尔曼先生- - - - - -你好。 - Uh, Mr. Herman. - Hello.
这是"怪人艾尔"扬科维奇。 I'd like you to meet "Weird Al" Yankovic.
啊，冉冉升起的新星。 Ah, a rising star.
很高兴见到你。 Pleased to meet you.
当然，这是小提姆。 And this is, of course, Tiny Tim.
哦,Yankovic先生。哦，为什么，你只是猫的睡衣。 Oh, Mr. Yankovic. Oh, why, you're just the cat's pajamas.
这是好事吗? Is that a good thing?
确定。 Sure.
不好意思，先生们。 Ah, excuse us, gentlemen.
很高兴认识你。 Nice to meet you.
这就是Demento的新protégé。 So that's Demento's new protégé.
你知道吗，我听说他们在他的时装秀上甚至不发雨衣和防水布。 You know, I hear they don't even hand out raincoats and tarps at his shows.
业余时间。 Amateur hour.
-你好，达利。——安迪。 - Well, hello, Dali. - Andy.
你觉得这个奇怪的阿尔·扬科维奇怎么样? What do you think of this "Weird Al" Yankovic?
达利预言他将改变我们对艺术的一切认识! Dali predicts he will change everything we know about art!
怪艾尔将改变世界! Weird Al will change the world!
我给他15分钟。 Eh, I give him 15 minutes.
哎哟哟，这不是德曼托医生吗。 Well, well, well, if it isn't Dr. Demento.
杰克狼人。谁让你进来的? Wolf man Jack. Who let you in here?
狼人想去哪就去哪，宝贝。 The Wolf man goes where the Wolf man wants, baby.
安全! Security!
放松。我只是过来看看这只猫 Relax. I just came by to lay eyes on this cat
你一直在到处闲逛。 you've been paradin' around.
使用已有音乐作品的人 The one who takes preexisting musical compositions
完全改变了歌词。 and completely changes the lyrics.
你知道，他有名字。是"怪人艾尔"扬科维奇。 He has a name, you know. And it's "Weird Al" Yankovic.
好吧，把它放在那儿，怪阿尔。 Well then, put 'er there, Weird Al.
噢!太慢了。 Oooh! Too slow.
这是什么意思? What is the meaning of this?
我这是在告诉你，我了解热门达人 This is me telling you that I know hit talent
但这孩子不是我想要的 when I see it, and this kid ain't it.
他永远进不了前40名，他太小众了。 He'll never crack the top 40, he's too niche.
这个你口中的孩子，是音乐的未来。 This kid, as you call him, is the future of music.
正确的。好吧，如果他这么好，那让他上来吧 Right. Well, if he's so great, how about he comes up
带着一首恶搞的新歌在现场? with a new parody song right now on the spot?
-哦…——哇。 - Ooh... - Whoa.
我是说，拜托，伙计。这是一个聚会。我觉得这不是个好主意。 I mean, come on, man. It's a party. I don't know that's a good idea.
唱《又一个人倒下了》。 Do "Another One Bites the Dust."
听起来很合适，谁说的? That seems fitting, who said that?
我做到了。我是约翰·狄肯…… I did. I'm John Deacon...
的女王。 of Queen.
我在皇后乐队弹贝斯。 I play the bass in Queen.
哦…… Oh...
好了，未来的男孩。 All right, future boy.
让我们听听你对《另一个人被杀》的看法 Let's hear what you can do with "Another One Bites the Dust."
我们等待。 We're waiting.
你不需要向他证明什么。 You don't have to prove anything to him.
来吧，皇后乐队的家伙。 Come on, guy from Queen.
我们去找个真正有才华的派对吧。 Let's go find a party with some real talent.
把我的手风琴拿来。 Get me my accordion.
嘿，你喜欢魔鬼蛋吗? Hey, you like deviled eggs?
我喜欢美味的魔鬼蛋。但他们并不爱我。 I love a good deviled egg. They don't love me, though.
我不知道该说什么。 I don't know what to say.
这是…… That was the...
那是我这辈子听过的最动听的话。 That was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my entire life.
你真的很有天赋，怪阿尔。 You truly have a rare gift, Weird Al.
嘿，伙计，我们下周有个小演出 Hey mate, we're playing a little gig next week
叫做温布利体育场的现场援助。 called Live Aid, Wembley Stadium.
如果你愿意加入乐队，我会很荣幸 I'd be honored if you would join the band
和我们一起在舞台上演奏这首歌。 and play that song on stage with us.
你说呢? What do you say?
很难通过! Hard pass!
——这家伙?-抓住他，把他带走! - This guy? - Get him, get him out of here!
我觉得我在世界之巅， I felt like I was on top of the world,
但这只是一个开始 but this was just the beginning.
“怪阿尔”扬科维奇是最令人兴奋的之一 "Weird Al" Yankovic is one of the most exciting
当今流行音乐界的新艺人。 new artists in pop music today.
他的首张同名专辑 His self-titled debut album
刚刚被认证为五白金 was just certified quintuple platinum.
简单地用著名的流行歌曲 Simply by taking well-known pop songs
和改变歌词， and changing the lyrics,
扬科维奇已经席卷了全世界 Yankovic has taken the world by storm.
我从未见过这样的夏威夷衬衫系列。 I have never seen a collection of Hawaiian shirts like this.
哦，谢谢你，奥普拉! Oh, well, thank you, Oprah!
他的专辑在20个国家排名第一 He has the number one album in 20 countries
，他的粉丝中包括 and counts among his fans such luminaries as...
嘿，把声音开大点。 Hey, turn this up.
<我>…罗纳德·里根总统和教皇约翰·保罗二世 ...President Ronald Reagan and Pope John Paul II.
甚至国际大毒枭巴勃罗·埃斯科瓦尔 Even international drug lord Pablo Escobar
称Weird Al为他最喜欢的音乐家 calls Weird Al his favorite musician.
那你戴的这条项链呢? And what about this, this necklace you're wearing?
哦,,是的。 Oh, these, yeah.
我戴着一枚白金唱片奖章 I, uh, I wear one solid platinum record medallion
每次我的专辑都是白金销量。 for each time my album went platinum.
一，二，三，四，五。 So that's one, two, three, four, five.
哇。那些看起来沉重。 Wow. Those look heavy.
他们超级不舒服。 They are super uncomfortable.
不仅仅是唱片公司 And it's not just the record company
那是在Weird Al热中赚钱。 that's cashing in on Weird Al fever.
他所模仿的艺术家正在经历一种现象 The artists he's parodying are experiencing a phenomenon
这就是所谓的杨科维奇撞击。 that's being called the Yankovic Bump.
The Knack, Joan Jett甚至Queen The Knack, Joan Jett and even Queen
他们的专辑销量翻了一番 have seen their album sales double
在Weird Al把他独特的旋转加入他们的歌曲之后 after Weird Al put his unique spin on their songs.
问题来了，下一个会是谁? Which begs the question, who will be next?
事实上谁? Who indeed?
艾尔，你看起来真的很有点石成金的本事。 Al, you really do seem to have the Midas touch.
我这辈子都没见过这样的事。 I've never seen anything like it in all my years.
你的父母一定很骄傲。 Your parents must be proud.
是的。是的,我的父母…… Yeah. Yeah, my parents...
一切都好吗? Is everything okay?
嗯?是的。是的,当然。 Huh? Yeah. Yes, of course.
是啊，谁的父母会不感到骄傲呢? Yeah, whose, whose parents wouldn't be proud?
完全正确。 Exactly.
艾尔?艾尔? Al? Al?
喂? Hello?
——<我>嗨,妈妈。是我。——阿飞? - Hey, Mom. It's me. - Alfy?
好久不见了，不是吗? It's been a long time, hasn't it?
我们在电视上看到你了。 We saw you on the TV.
这很疯狂,对吗? It's crazy, right?
是啊，谁能想到呢? Yeah, who would've thought?
其实我现在就在为实习医生做准备 I'm actually gearing up for a residency right now
在麦迪逊广场花园。 at Madison Square Garden.
连续25晚售罄。 Sold out 25 nights in a row.
他们，他们要把尼克斯队搬走 They're, uh, they're moving the Knicks
去泽西的冰球场玩一个月 to a hockey rink in Jersey for a month.
——嗯。<我>——是的。 - Huh. - Yep.
<我>是的。我活在梦想中 Yep. I'm living the dream.
我是说，每晚接待两万人 I mean, to have 20,000 people every night
跟着我的歌词唱 singing along to my words
别人的音乐。 to other people's music.
当我站在舞台上的时候，我觉得自己真的很有活力。 I feel truly alive when I'm on that stage.
<我>哦,这很好。 Oh, that's nice.
你吃的麸皮够吗? Are you eating enough bran?
——什么?-这很重要。 - What? - Well, it's important.
它能让你保持规律，你知道你会怎样 It keeps you regular and you know how you get
当你没有定期做脑转移时，阿飞。 when you're not having your regular BMs, Alfy.
我…是的,当然。 I... Yeah, sure.
很好。这很好。 Good. That's good.
那么，嗯，爸爸怎么样了? So, um, so how's Dad?
天啊，你父亲真是个复杂的人。 Gosh, your father's a complicated man.
他谈起过我吗? Does he ever talk about me?
哦，当然，一直都是。是的。 Oh, sure, all the time. Yes.
他有很多事想告诉你， There's so many things that he wants to tell you,
但这对他来说太难了。 but it's just difficult for him.
嗯,像什么? Well, like what?
他想跟我说什么? You know, what does he want to tell me?
嗯，他主要是想让你知道 Well, mostly he just wants to let you know that
他绝对不会为你感到骄傲。 he's definitely not proud of you.
什么? What?
是的。他让我把这事说清楚。 Yes. He told me to be crystal clear about that.
而且，他仍然认为模仿歌曲是愚蠢的 Also, he still thinks that parody songs are stupid
我没必要告诉你 and I don't have to tell you
他对手风琴的感觉如何，是吗? how he feels about the accordion, do I?
好的。妈妈，我得走了。 Okay. Well, Mom, I actually have to go now.
他只是从来没想过要孩子。 You know, he just never really wanted to have kids.
好的。很高兴和你聊天。 Okay. Well, great talking to you.
听着，如果你真想得到工厂的那份工作， Listen, if you do wanna get that job down at the factory,
我相信你父亲能帮你牵线搭桥。 I'm sure your father can pull a few strings for you.
好的。保重，再见。 All right. Take care now, bye-bye.
-爱你，阿飞!——是的! - Love you, Alfy! - Yep!
跟那些人打交道真难啊? Oh, tough call with the folks, huh?
如果你愿意，我可以帮你把楼下的热水浴缸烧起来。 You know, I can fire up the downstairs hot tub for you if you'd like.
哦，不，不，这很好。我不想给你添麻烦。 Oh, no, no, this is fine. I don't want to put you through any trouble.
我…真的不麻烦。 I... It's really no trouble.
其实还有三家按摩浴缸呢 I mean, there are actually three other Jacuzzis
在房子里，不在我卧室里。 in the house that are not here in my bedroom.
你真是太贴心了，但说真的，我很好。 Oh, that's so sweet of you, but really, I'm good.
而你呢，你看起来不太好。 You, on the other hand, you don't seem so good.
你想谈谈吗? Do you wanna talk about it?
只是，我的一生， It's just, my whole life,
我只想让我父亲接受真实的我。 all I've wanted is for my father to accept me for who I am.
我想，如果我取得了这么大的成功， And I thought if I became this huge success,
那样会改变事情，但是… that that would change things, but...
毫米。 Mm.
但他还是讨厌我的一切。 But he still hates everything about me.
也许他是对的。也许模仿歌曲是愚蠢的。 You know, maybe he's right. Maybe parody songs are stupid.
听着，你没必要写恶搞歌曲 Look, you don't have to write parody songs
如果你不想的话。 if you don't want to.
什么? What?
你看起来有点饿。来，吃点零食。 You look a little hungry. Here, have a snack.
你可以自己写歌。 You can write your own songs.
你以为我保护你吗 You think I took you under my wing
因为你写恶搞歌曲? because you write parody songs?
不，我在你身上看到了远见卓识， No, I saw in you a visionary,
一个对世界有所贡献的艺术家。 an artist who has something to give to the world.
我在你身上看到了特别的东西 I saw in you something special,
一些你父亲看不到的东西 something your father doesn't see
甚至连你都看不到… and that even you don't see...
然而。 yet.
这鳄梨色拉酱尝起来怪怪的。 This guacamole tastes funny.
当然有。里面装了迷幻药。 Of course it does. It's loaded with LSD.
什么? ! What?!
不! No!
你需要敞开你的心扉和你的思想， You need to open your heart and your mind,
直面你的恐惧，打破你的枷锁， face your fears, break your chains,
跟我来一次心灵之旅。 come with me on a spiritual journey.
找到你的灵感来源! Find your source of inspiration!
不，这一点都不好，伙计。你不能… No, that-that is totally not cool, man. You can't just...
不，你的头怎么了? Whoa, no, what is happening to your head?
那可能是药物起作用了。 That's probably the drugs kicking in.
放松，享受旅程。 Just relax and enjoy the ride.
再过10到12个小时就结束了。 It'll be over in like, 10 to 12 hours.
12个小时?不，不，不，不。 12 hours? No, no, no, no, no, no.
我要闭上眼睛再睁开的时候， I'm just gonna close my eyes and when I open them up again,
一切都将完全回到…… everything is gonna be completely back to...
你到底在干什么，小子? What in God's name are you doing, boy?
那不是正确的词! Those aren't the right words!
求你了，别再做你自己了别再做你喜欢的事了。 Please, just stop being who you are and doing the things you love.
你，艾尔·扬科维奇，是最没有天赋的， You, Al Yankovic, are the most untalented,
我这辈子遇到的最可悲的失败者! pathetic loser I've ever met in my entire life!
不，不，不，停下。别管我! No, no, no, stop it. Leave me alone!
阿尔弗雷德·扬科维奇，你的时间到了。 Alfred Yankovic, this is your time.
相信自己，歌就会向你走来。 Believe in yourself, and the song will come to you.
别听他的，孩子! Don't listen to him, boy!
你属于我，属于工厂! You belong with me, at the factory!
这是你的命运! It's your destiny!
啊!不! Aah! No!
他对你的控制力在减弱，继续! He's losing his power over you, keep going!
我不能! I can't!
也许你该尝尝嘎嘣脆船长。 Maybe you should try a little Cap'n Crunch.
什么? What?
或许是葡萄干麦片? Raisin Bran, perhaps?
不,不!我不要嘎嘣脆船长! No, no! I don't want no Cap'n Crunch!
不要葡萄干布! Don't want no Raisin Bran!
吃吧，就吃吧。 Eat it, just eat it.
我不明白! I don't understand!
别让我再说一遍。 Don't you make me repeat it.
我到底怎么了?! What's happening to me?!
现在你必须死才能重生。 Now you must die in order to be reborn.
不,不!不! No, no! No!
把它放在。 Put it in.
我听够了。 I've heard enough.
这是辉煌的。 It's brilliant.
好吧,我很抱歉。我听不出这曲调。 Okay, I'm sorry. I don't recognize the tune.
你在模仿什么歌? What song are you parodying here?
我没有模仿任何东西。 I'm not parodying anything.
这首歌完全是原创的。 This song is completely original.
等等，歌词和音乐都是你写的? Wait, you wrote the words and the music?
这是正确的。 That's right.
好吧，我先说清楚， Okay, just to be perfectly clear,
你是说这不是对已有歌曲的恶搞， so you're saying this is not a parody of an existing song,
但完全是你自己写的原创作文呢? but an entirely original composition that you wrote all by yourself?
是的。 Yes.
不是基于别人的歌吗? Not based on anybody else's song in any way?
我结巴了吗? Did I stutter?
我受够了别人把我当笑话，好吗? I'm tired of people thinking I'm some kind of joke, okay?
我不再写恶搞歌曲了。完成了。 I am done writing parody songs. Done.
从现在开始，我只做完全原创的音乐。 From now on, I am only gonna do completely original music.
艾尔，你不能在这抽烟。 Oh, Al, you can't smoke in here.
这是我应得的。 I totally deserved that.
好吧，我被震撼了。这是一个大胆的新方向。 Well, I am blown away. This is a bold new direction.
我是说，恶搞歌曲很好， I mean, the parody songs were fine,
但你已经完全改变了游戏规则。 but you've completely changed the game here.
这将是你迄今为止最成功的作品。 This is gonna be your biggest hit yet.
好吧,好吧!不要着急! Okay, okay! Hold your horses!
“奇怪的Al”Yankovic。 "Weird Al" Yankovic.
嗯，我认识你吗? Um, do I know you?
麦当娜。任何的铃声? Madonna. Ring any bells?
哦,对了。麦当娜。 Oh, right. Madonna.
是啊，《幸运星》《假日》《边缘人》 Yeah, "Lucky Star," "Holiday," "Borderline."
出生在密歇根，天主教女学生 Born in Michigan, Catholic schoolgirl,
从大学辍学，搬到了纽约 dropped outta college and moved to New York City
除了身上的衣服什么都没有 with nothing but the clothes on your back
你口袋里还有35美元。 and $35 in your pocket.
也许是想成为流行天后。 Maybe it was to become the Queen of Pop.
也许是为了报复爸爸娶了管家。 Maybe it was to get back at Dad for marrying the housekeeper.
哇。 Wow.
你对我的了解比你说的要多得多。 You know a lot more about me than you let on.
我能说什么呢?我充满了惊喜。 What can I say? I'm full of surprises.
什么风把你吹来了，麦当娜? So, what brings you here, Madonna?
哦，我正好在附近。 Oh, I was in the neighborhood.
想看看我的星宿地图是否准确。 Wanted to see if my map to the stars' homes was accurate.
我猜你不需要退款了。 Guess you won't need a refund then.
这就是你想要的吗? Is that, uh, all you wanted?
不，我想要很多东西， No, I want a lot of things,
但事实上，我是你的忠实粉丝 but the truth is, I'm a big fan of yours.
加入俱乐部。 Join the club.
你听过我的新单曲《宛若处女》吗 Have you heard my new single, "Like a Virgin?"
哦，我听说过。 Oh, I've heard it.
我很好奇，这首歌是自传式的吗? And I'm curious, is that song autobiographical?
是的。严格来说我还是个处男 Yes. I technically am a virgin,
除了我有过很多性经历。 except for the fact that I've had a lot of sex.
我是说，很多。 I mean, a lot.
我明白了。 I see.
总之，我在想 Anyway, I was wondering
如果你要模仿我的歌。 if you were going to do a parody of my song.
也许吧。 Maybe.
我很喜欢这样。 I like that.
你想看看房子的其他地方吗? So, would you like to see the rest of the house?
只有一个房间我想看。 There's only one room I'm interested in seeing.
我在修浴室， Oh, I'm doing some work on the bathroom,
但是楼下还有一个。 but there's another one downstairs.
我说的不是洗手间。 Oh, I'm not talking about the bathroom.
那我带您去洗衣房吧。 Then let me show you to the laundry room.
艾尔·扬科维奇，你在跟我玩吗? Al Yankovic, are you playing with me?
是吗? Yes?
哦，你真奇怪。 Oh, you're so weird.
那我们现在是男女朋友了吗? So, are we like, boyfriend and girlfriend now?
也许吧。 Maybe.
好吧，现在事情都正式了 Well, now that things are official,
我真的应该跟你说实话。 I should really be honest with you.
当我说我可能会模仿你的一首歌时，我撒谎了。 When I said I might parody one of your songs, I lied.
所以，他们说的是真的。你不再模仿了。 So, it's true, what they're saying. You're not doing parodies anymore.
我的歌《吃掉它》你也知道，是百分百原创的， My song "Eat It," which, as you know, is a hundred percent original,
是有史以来最受欢迎的歌曲。 is the biggest hit by anybody ever.
所以，我决定从现在开始，这就是我想做的。 So, I've decided that's all I wanna do from now on.
完全原创歌曲。 Completely original songs.
看吧，这就是我爱你的地方。 See, that's what I love about you.
你知道自己想要什么，也知道如何得到它。 You know what you want and you know how to get it.
就像我一样。 Just like me.
你觉得怎么样?我有个惊人的消息。 How about that? And I've got some amazing news.
我正式得到消息，我们分手了 I've officially gotten the word that we have broken
披头士的单曲进入公告牌前十最多的记录。 the Beatles' record for most singles in the Billboard Top 10.
哦。 Oh.
是的,很酷。 Yeah, cool.
呃,好吧。 Uh, okay.
有很多令人兴奋的邀约源源不断 Well, um, we have some very exciting offers pouring in
我很愿意… that I would love to...
- - - - - -……-哦，感觉真好。 - That... - Oh, that feels good.
喜欢和……讨论…… Love to discuss with...
喜欢和你讨论。 Love to discuss with you.
我们接到了一些很棒的电话。 We got some, some great calls.
嗯,很有趣。 Uh, very interesting.
齐柏林飞艇在考虑复合， Led Zeppelin, uh, is thinking about getting back together,
但他们说唯一的办法就是 but they say the only way they'll do it
就是他们能否在巡演中为你开场。 is if they can open up for you on tour.
我是说，这很贴心，但是是的。 I mean, that's sweet, but yeah.
我已经把演出邀请给豪伊·曼德尔了，所以。 I already offered the gig to Howie Mandel, so.
好吧,是的。但这可能是… Okay, yeah. But this is perhaps...
听着，我不会因为齐柏林飞艇取代曼德尔的?通过。 Look, I am not bumping Mandel for Zeppelin, okay? Pass.
好的。明白了。 Okay. Got it.
我们有另一个提议，一个非常严肃的提议。 Uh, well, we have another offer, a very serious offer.
这是为了取代罗杰·摩尔在007系列电影中的角色。 This is to replace Roger Moore in the James Bond franchise.
-现在这个…——不! - Now this one... - No!
不，不，不，我不会成为新的詹姆斯·邦德。 No, no, no, I'm not gonna be the new James Bond.
我不会成为新的印第安纳·琼斯。 I'm not gonna be the new Indiana Jones.
从现在开始，我做的每件事都必须完全原创。 From now on, everything I do has to be completely original.
这话我得说多少遍? How many times have I gotta say that?
听着，皮门托先生，我们还有地方要去。 Look, Mr. Pimento, we have places to be.
这要花多长时间? How long is this gonna take?
不会太久。 Not much longer.
我们有另一个邀请你参加比赛 We got another offer for you to play
巴勃罗·埃斯科瓦尔40岁生日派对。 Pablo Escobar's 40th birthday party.
我在新闻上看到他了。他真是个大人物。 I saw him on the news. He's a really big deal.
毒枭呢?他为什么对我如此着迷? The drug lord? Why is he so obsessed with me?
他把出价提高到30亿比索。 And he has upped his offer to three billion pesos.
我是说，好吧，换成美国货币是多少? I mean, okay, how much is that in American money?
你知道吗，算了，我不想做数学。 You know what, never mind, I don't feel like doing the math.
我算过了，我可以向你保证… Well, I've done the math and I can assure you...
Bup-bup-bup !我可以自己计算，我说，我不想。通过。 Bup-bup-bup! I can do my own math, and I said, I don't want to. Pass.
阿飞，你在嚼我的口香糖吗? Alfy, are you chewing my gum?
我不知道。也许吧。 I don't know. Maybe.
你想过来拿吗? You wanna come get it?
你，你不认为东西在移动 You, you don't think things are moving
你说得太快了吧? too fast with us, do you?
宝贝，别傻了。我们是灵魂伴侣。 Baby, don't be silly. We're soul mates.
这才是真爱。当你知道的时候，你就知道了。 This is true love. When you know, you know.
所以你是对的。 You're so right.
这是我人生中最快乐的六小时。 This has been the happiest six hours of my life.
杨科维奇先生，你在主看台有个电话。 Mr. Yankovic, you have a phone call at the host stand.
对不起，亲爱的。 Excuse me, my love.
这最好是好事。 This better be good.
嗯… Well...
发生什么事了，托尼? What's going on, Tony?
好吧，嗯，我觉得你应该先听我说 Okay, um, I-I thought you should hear it from me first.
迈克尔·杰克逊刚刚发布了新单曲《Beat It》。 Michael Jackson just released a new single called "Beat It."
<我>,嗯… It's, um...
这是对《吃掉它》的恶搞 Well, it's-it's a parody of "Eat It."
你是说杰克逊五兄弟里的那个孩子吗? You mean the kid from the Jackson Five?
为什么那个过时的人想要拍我的马屁? Why is that has-been trying to ride my coattails?
事实上，他现在的单飞生涯相当成功。 He actually has a pretty successful solo career now.
随你的便!你告诉我 Whatever! You're telling me
迈克尔·杰克逊模仿了我的歌? Michael Jackson recorded a parody of my song?
是的，我就是这个意思。同样的音乐，不同的话语 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Same music, different words.
哪个变态把词改了 What kinda sick freak changes the words
听着别人的歌? to someone else's song?
<我>”击败它,”哈? "Beat It," huh?
等等，是关于鸡蛋的吗? Wait, so it's about eggs?
不，不，这是，呃，我不认为这是关于食物的 No, no, it's, uh, I don't think it's even about food.
是关于打架还是 It's about fighting or...
想避免打架?我不太确定…… trying to avoid a fight? I'm not exactly sure...
他有什么权利?!他能做到吗? What gives him the right?! Can he even do this?
我觉得你有点反应过度了，好吗? I think you're overreacting just a little, okay?
我的意思是，这可能是一个很好的宣传。多卖几张唱片 I mean, this could be great publicity. Sell a few more albums.
不，我不需要卖更多的专辑，托尼! No, I don't need to sell more albums, Tony!
我需要人们开始认真对待我作为一个创作原创音乐的艺术家。 I need people to start taking me seriously as an artist that creates original music.
有些白痴可能会被搞糊涂 Now some idiots will probably get confused
并认为《Beat It》是最先出现的! and think "Beat It" came first!
没人会这么想。 Nobody's gonna think that.
对我的余生来说，这是一场灾难， This is a disaster, for the rest of my life now,
我就要和迈克尔·杰克逊联系上了。 I'm gonna be linked to this Michael Jackson guy.
为什么会这么糟糕? And why would that be so bad?
也许这是件好事。我觉得这是我的荣幸。 You know, maybe it's a good thing. I-I think it's an honor.
迈克尔是世界上最耀眼的明星之一。 Michael's one of the biggest stars in the world.
一切都好吗? Everything okay?
一切都不太好。 Everything's pretty freaking not okay.
我终于创造了自己的东西 I finally created something of my own
现在人们会认为我在剽窃迈克尔·杰克逊 and now people are just gonna think I'm ripping off Michael Jackson.
你的角吗? Your fillet?
我想我没胃口了。 I think I lost my appetite.
宝贝，你看起来压力很大。你应该喝一杯。 Babe, you seem stressed. You should have a drink.
我不怎么喝酒。 I don't really drink.
如果说我这辈子学到了什么，那就是唯一能让你头脑清醒的东西 If there's one thing I've learned in life, the only thing that can clear your head
让你感觉更好的是烈酒，大量的烈酒。 and make you feel better is hard alcohol, and lots of it.
你比任何人都了解我。 Well, you know me better than anyone.
我相信你。 I trust you.
他要一杯威士忌，纯威士忌。 He'll have a whiskey, neat.
你知道吗?也许你应该把整瓶都带来。 You know what? Maybe you should bring the whole bottle.
我知道,对吧? I know, right?
嘿,嘿。国王来了!让我们开始派对吧。 Hey, hey. The king is here! Let's get this party started.
伙计，试音三小时前就该开始了。 Dude, sound check was supposed to start like three hours ago.
三小时前我不在这里，所以我们现在就开始。 Well, I wasn't here three hours ago, so we're starting now.
艾尔，你醉了吗? Al, are you drunk?
-我没醉，你们都醉了。-不，这毫无意义。 - I'm not drunk, you're all drunk. - No, this is pointless.
嘿，伙计，你为什么不离开这里? Hey, man, why don't you just get out of here?
我要离开这里吗?你得离开这里! I need to get out of here? You need to get out of here!
-哇，哇，哇!-伙计们,伙计们! - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Guys, guys!
艾尔，听着，这是今晚巡演的第一场。 Al, look, it's the first show of the tour tonight.
这是件大事。 It's kind of a big deal.
你能不能别把大家的事搞砸了? Do you think you could maybe not screw this up for everybody?
你要怎么做，炒了我吗? Oh, what-what-what are you gonna do, fire me?
没有我，你们什么都不是。 You guys are nothing without me.
我可以用打鼓机代替你 Yeah, I could replace you with a drum machine
你拿着吉他机 and you with a guitar machine
而你，我不知道，用别的机器。 and you with a, I don't know, with some other machine.
你们只是一群正常人，好吗， You're all just a bunch of normals, okay,
我才是那个奇怪的人!我才是那个奇怪的人! I'm the weird one! I am the weird one!
好的。就是这样。 Okay. That's it.
你变了,老兄。 You've changed, man.
名气真的影响了你。 Fame's really gotten to you.
哇。 Wow.
听着，为今晚的演出把自己打扮好，好吗? Look, just get yourself cleaned up for the show tonight, all right?
-你真是一团糟。-是的。 - You're a mess. - Yeah.
他们看起来不错。 They seem nice.
是的,他们很好。 Yeah, they're great.
——阿尔?-哦，你想干什么? - Al? - Oh, what do you want?
我能和你谈谈吗? Can I talk to you for a minute?
私下里吗? Privately?
你想对我说什么，都可以当着我女朋友的面说。 Look, anything you wanna say to me, you can say in front of my girlfriend.
好的,很好。 Okay, fine.
我觉得麦当娜对你影响不好。 I think Madonna's a bad influence on you.
我觉得她是个邪恶，狡诈的妖魔 I think she's an evil, conniving succubus
她利用你只是为了满足她可怜又自私的需求。 and she's only using you for her pathetic and selfish needs.
——什么?——没有进攻。 - What? - No offense.
她要你只是为了那个甜美的，甜美的杨科维奇肚。 She only wants you for that sweet, sweet Yankovic Bump.
她了解她的唱片销量 She knows her record sales
如果你模仿她的话，会爆红的。 will go through the roof if you parody her.
你怎么敢。 How dare you.
这个女人是发生在我身上最伟大的事。 This woman is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
而且，我已经告诉她我不会再做了，嗯… And besides, I already told her I'm not doing any more, um...
更多的……你说的话。 Any more... The thing you said.
——歌模仿。——歌模仿! - Song parodies. - Song parodies!
你现在烂醉如泥 You're so drunk right now,
我打赌你连杨科维奇式的Bump都给不了她。 I bet you couldn't even give her that Yankovic Bump.
这不是真的! That's not true!
这不是真的，我现在就想出那首模仿歌曲。 That's not true, I'll come up with that song parody right now.
不是"像个处女"而是"像个…" Instead of "Like a Virgin," it'll be "Like a..."
像一个… Like a...
闭嘴，这是不可能的!没有和virgin押韵的词。 Shut up, it's impossible! Nothing rhymes with virgin.
,听。 Al, listen.
你得照顾好自己。 You gotta take care of yourself.
等她搞定你，就会甩了你 When she's done with you, she's gonna drop you
就像一袋坏掉的卷心菜。 like a sack of spoiled cabbage.
不，不，闭嘴，闭嘴!你不是我爸爸。 No, no, shut up, shut up! You're not my dad.
你以为你是我爸，但你不是我爸。 You think you're my dad, but you are not my dad.
宝贝?宝贝，你要去哪里? Baby? Baby, where are you going?
我要开车出去，独自理清思绪。 I'm goin' for a drive to clear my mind, on my own.
不不不不不。你不能走。 No, no, no, no, no. You cannot go.
没有你的车钥匙。 Without your car keys.
非常感谢。 Thank you so much.
好吧，我们不能等了 Well, we can't wait.
Weird Al在Joe Robbie体育场登上舞台 Weird Al hits the stage at Joe Robbie Stadium
今晚8点，它将会是链 tonight at eight o'clock, and it's gonna be off the chain.
一个为历史… One for the history...
好吧，那是多白金唱片艺人 Well, that was multi-platinum recording artist
"Weird Al" Yankovic " i Love Rocky Road "，我的天， "Weird Al" Yankovic with "I Love Rocky Road," and my god,
你见过比他更耐看的流行歌手吗? have you ever seen a more durable pop artist?
你扔给它的任何东西， Anything you throw at this guy,
他似乎能挺过去 he just seems capable of surviving it.
我敢打赌他能把飞机降落在火山上 I'll bet he could land a plane into a volcano
and still out… and still come out...
该死的。 Dammit.
好了，护士，就这样吧。 All right, nurse, let's call it.
死亡时间:7点半… Time of death: 7:30...
快! Quick!
我需要一些纸和一支二号铅笔。 I need some paper and a number two pencil.
给你，宝贝。 Here you go, baby.
对不起，小姐，他的身体状况不适合做… Excuse me, miss, he's in no condition to be doing...
听着，没时间了，好吗?他30分钟后有场演出。 Look, there's no time, okay? He's got a show in 30 minutes.
好吧。 All right.
最好把纱布都给我，护士。 Better give me all your gauze, nurse.
是的! Yes!
这都是为了你，宝贝。我非常爱你。 This is all for you, babe. I love you so much.
我想我应该在输血的时候留下来的， I think I should have stuck around for that blood transfusion though,
-我想我要昏过去了。-不，宝贝，你太棒了 - I think I'm gonna pass out. - No, babe, you're killing it.
-现在给我滚回去——好的。 - Now get back out there. - Okay.
好了，宝贝，你要换衣服，再唱一首歌 Okay, babe, you have a costume change, one more song
然后我们就可以回家睡一觉。 and then we can go home and sleep it off.
好的。 Okay.
不，不，不。那是什么?我才不要穿那个。 No, no, no, no. What-what is that? I'm not wearing that.
-这是你的"吃吧"外套，宝贝-不，不再是了，不再是了。 - It's your "Eat It" jacket, babe. - No, not anymore, it's not.
现在那是迈克尔·杰克逊的夹克了。我不想看。 That is a Michael Jackson jacket now. I don't wanna see it.
把它从我面前拿开。 Get that outta my face.
如果你不想戴，你可以不戴。 You don't have to wear it if you don't want to.
现在喝光吧。是的，很好，是的。 Now just drink up. Yeah, that's good, yeah.
再来一点，再来一点。这是医学。 Little more, little more. That's the medicine.
噗，噗，噗，噗! Boo, boo, boo, boo!
是啊，你听起来就是这样。嘘! Yeah, that's what you sound like. Boo!
哦,什么?你想听"吃了它"吗 Oh, what? You want, do you wanna hear "Eat It?"
你呢? Do you?
好的,在这里。 Okay, here goes.
你们都是一群奴隶! You're all a bunch of slaves!
你是白痴。 You're morons.
白痴! Idiots!
怎么，怎么，你花了很多钱去看演出吗? Oh, what, what, you paid good money to see a show?
你在危险的工厂里拼命工作? You worked your little butts off at some dangerous factory?
天知道他们在那里做什么! God only knows what they make there!
没人会告诉你的。 No one will tell you that.
他们在工厂里做什么? What do they make in the factory?
他们做什么?! What do they make?!
你喜欢被人摆布吗? Do you like getting pushed around?
你喜欢让别人摆布你吗? You like letting everybody push you around?
是的，我想你知道。我想你会喜欢的。 Yeah, I think you do. I think you like it.
你喜欢让你爸爸摆布你吗? You like letting your dad push you around?
不! No!
你喜欢让迈克尔·杰克逊摆布你吗? You like letting Michael Jackson push you around?
不! No!
那你打算怎么做? Well, what are you gonna do about it?
你打算怎么做! What are you gonna do about it?!
你要做什么?! What are you gonna do?!
所以…你想看吗? So... you wanna see it?
要我给你看看吗? Do you want me to show it to you?
我要把它拔出来! I'm gonna whip it out!
你觉得我不会这么做，是吗? You don't think I'll do it, do you?
我还没把它抽出来，但我会为你做的， I haven't whipped it out yet but I'm gonna do it for you,
但前提是你真的想让我这么做。 but only if you really want me to.
好的,遵命! Okay, here goes!
是啊! Yeah!
离开我!离开我! Get off me! Get off me!
我们很抱歉打断 We're sorry to interrupt
总统的地址，但我们有突发新闻。 the President's address, but we have breaking news.
恶搞歌手“Weird Al”Yankovic今晚早些时候被捕了 Parody songsmith "Weird Al" Yankovic was arrested earlier tonight
因猥亵行为在迈阿密戴德县 in Miami-Dade County for lewd behavior.
好的。这是我的想法。 Okay. Here's my thought.
我觉得这真是个好主意，希望你喜欢。 I think this is a really great idea, I hope you like it.
我们合作，对吧? We team up, right?
我会写所有的好歌，真正的歌， I'll write all the, you know, good songs, the real ones,
然后你每次都模仿他们。啵,啵。它是完美的。 and then you parody them every time. Bam, bam. It's perfect.
听起来不错。 Sounds great.
这是万无一失的，我们将势不可挡。 It's foolproof, we'll be unstoppable.
我们会成为整个音乐界最炙手可热的情侣。 We'll be the hottest power couple in the entire music industry.
我们的情侣名会是什么? What would our power couple name be?
我想是马丹科维奇还是马丹纳维奇 I'm thinking Madankovic or Madonnavic
或者只是麦当娜。 or maybe just Madonna.
我们有足够的时间把这些都弄清楚。 There'll be plenty of time to figure all of that out.
但你能想象世界巡演吗? But can you imagine the world tour?
麦当娜……与怪异。 Madonna... with Weird Al.
所有的钱吗?我只是觉得刺痛。 All that money? I just got the tingles.
但我是说，你能接受这一切，对吧? But I mean, you're okay with all of this, right?
看,宝贝,我… Look, babe, I'm...
你想做什么我都不介意。 I'm seriously okay with anything you wanna do.
我是说，看看我。我简直是火车残骸。 I mean, look at me. I'm a train wreck.
我都快撑不住了。 I'm barely holding it together.
我父母把我排除在外了。 My parents wrote me off.
我推开了我的乐队，德曼托医生， I pushed away my band, Dr. Demento,
所有对我重要的人。 everyone who was important to me.
你是我的一切。 You're all I got.
你真的是我在这世上唯一的亲人了， You are literally the only thing I have left in the world,
如果你有个三长两短，我不知道该怎么办。 and if anything happened to you, I don't know what I would do.
不,不!不! No, no! No!
放松,Yankovic先生。 Relax, Mr. Yankovic.
我们只是想借你女朋友。 We only wanna borrow your girlfriend.
保持冷静，你就不会有事。 Just stay calm and nothing will happen to you.
先生,请,请。无论你做什么…… Please, sir, please. Whatever you do...
不要伤害我。 Don't hurt me.
——帮助我!——麦当娜! - Help me! - Madonna!
你好! Hiya!
死,死! Die, die!
订单。 Order up.
巴勃罗·埃斯科瓦尔向你问好! Pablo Escobar sends his regards!
巴勃罗·埃斯科瓦尔，你刚刚犯了人生中最大的错误。 Pablo Escobar, you just made the biggest mistake of your life.
这个要做的。 This'll do.
然后我就用靴子不停地踩他， So, then I'm stomping on him and stomping him with my boots,
他打电话给他妈妈，我就想， and he's calling for his mom and I'm like,
“不要那么多余。”你知道，就像… "Stop being so extra." You know, it's like...
哦,我的天哪!哈哈!最好不是香草味的。 Oh, my goodness! Ha ha! That better not be vanilla.
是谁? Who was it?
-不，是谁?——Escobar ! - No, who was it? - Escobar!
哦,Yankovic先生。 Oh, Mr. Yankovic.
我们一直在等你。欢迎,欢迎。 We've been expecting you. Welcome, welcome.
你知道的，我是你的超级粉丝。 As you know, I am a huge, huge fan of your music.
我从哥伦比亚唱片俱乐部拿到了你所有的专辑。 I got all of your albums through the Columbia House Record Club.
一分钱十二个，伙计们。真正伟大的交易。 Twelve for one penny, you guys. Really great deal.
真正伟大的交易。 Really great deal.
不管怎样,我……哦。我希望你能原谅我 Anyway, I... Oops. I hope you will forgive me
绑架了你可爱的女朋友。 for kidnapping your lovely girlfriend.
这似乎是唯一的办法 It just seemed like that was the only way
保证你会来参加我的生日聚会。 to guarantee that you would come to my birthday party.
你的经纪人，跟他打交道真是个噩梦，说实话。 Your agent, oy, a real nightmare to deal with, if I'm gonna be honest.
真正邪恶的人。 Real vicious guy.
你知道，我很抱歉。请让我把音乐关小一点。 You know, I'm sorry. Let me turn down the music please.
就是有点烦人，是的。 Just a little annoying, yeah.
我现在能听见自己在想什么。 I can hear myself think now.
上面太吵了。啊,的声音。 It's so noisy up in there. Aah, the voices.
哦。噢，我的礼貌呢? Oh. Oh, where are my manners?
我们正准备切蛋糕呢。我可以给你一片吗? We were just about to cut the cake. May I offer you a slice?
请给他来一片。 Let's get him a slice, please.
不。没有蛋糕。 No. No cake.
好的,先生的饮食。 Okay, Mr. Diet.
给我们更多，对吧? More for us, am I right?
我只想要我的女人，然后我就走。 I just want my woman, then I'll go.
你想要你的女人。好的。 Ah, you want your woman. Okay.
恐怕事情不是这样的，扬科维奇先生。 I'm afraid that's not how it works, Mr. Yankovic.
你看，你不给我表演就不能走。 You see, you can't leave until you perform for me.
-你明白我的意思吗?——不行。 - Do you understand me? - No dice.
不会发生。我不是你的猴子。 Not gonna happen. I'm not your monkey.
-我可以演《边缘人》-不，我不想那样。我想要他。 - I can do "Borderline." - No, I don't want that. I want him.
杨科维奇先生，你为什么这么小题大做? Mr. Yankovic, why-why all the drama?
我是说，你已经在这里了。 I mean, you're already here.
就给我们唱首可怜的歌然后你们就可以走了。 Just perform one measly song for us and then you guys can leave.
来吧，就一首，不行吗? Come on, just one song, no?
那个很棒的怎么样 How about that wonderful
模仿迈克尔·杰克逊，是吧? Michael Jackson parody that you did, huh?
这不是恶搞! That's not a parody!
停!停!这是我的生日。停止它!停止它! Stop! Stop! It's my birthday. Stop it! Stop it!
首先，你很粗鲁。好吧?其次， Well, first off, rude. Okay? And second of all,
如果你真的不想招待我们，那好吧。 if you really, really don't wanna entertain us, then fine.
你可以走了。 You can just leave.
等等，那我们就可以走了吗? Wait, so, so we can just go?
是啊，你想什么时候走都可以。 Yeah, you can go whenever you want.
心理! Psych!
不! No!
非常不幸。 Very unfortunate.
他就像人类中的神，现在只是虫子的食物。 He was like a god among men, and now just worm food.
啧啧,啧啧,啧啧。总之，回到派对上。我们应该切蛋糕还是…? Tsk, tsk, tsk. Anyway, back to the party. Should we cut the cake or...?
巴勃罗，你忘了一件事。 Hey, Pablo, you forgot one thing.
我是白金认证。 I'm certified platinum.
嘿,Escobar。 Hey, Escobar.
吃它。 Eat it.
好了，我们走吧。 Okay, let's get outta here.
我得去拿这个奖章。 I just gotta get this medallion.
好的。哦，在里面。啊。 Okay. Oh, it's in there. Ah.
哦，恶心，恶心，恶心，恶心! Oh, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross!
你刚杀了巴勃罗·埃斯科瓦尔! You just killed Pablo Escobar!
我知道!这周我杀了很多人。 I know! I've killed so many people this week.
上周四之前，我从没杀过人。 Before last Thursday, I never really killed anyone.
我们为爱所做的一切?好吧,来吧。我们得走了。 The things we do for love, huh? Okay, come on. We gotta go.
好了，等等，等等，听我说。 Well, now, wait, wait, wait, hear me out here.
埃斯科瓦尔死了，也许… With Escobar out of the picture, maybe...
也许我们可以管理这个贩毒集团。 maybe we can run the drug cartel.
等等,什么? Wait, what?
供求关系，宝贝。 Supply and demand, baby.
听着，总得有人管理贩毒集团。也可能是我。我们。 Look, someone's gotta run the cartel. May as well be me. Us.
你不是认真的吧。我们的计划怎么办? You can't be serious. What about all our plans?
一起写歌，一起巡演。 Writing songs together, touring together.
如果你能统治世界，为什么还要统治音乐产业? Why rule the music industry when you can rule the world?
所有的金钱和权力都在这里。 All the money and power is right here.
麦当娜,… Madonna, that's...
不。不可能。 No. No way.
我的生活在美国，我的家人永远不会原谅我 My life is in America, and my family would never forgive me
如果我卷入了贩毒集团 if I became involved in a drug cartel.
你的家人已经和你断绝关系了，艾尔。 Well, your family's already disowned you, Al.
我是你的全部，记得吗? I'm all you've got, remember?
我们还会在一起。我会是贩毒集团的头头… And we'll still be together. I'll be the head of the cartel...
你可以做我的副手。 and you can be my number two.
你的二号人物。 Your number two.
我真不敢相信。德曼托博士是对的。 I can't believe this. Dr. Demento was right.
你只是在利用我来发展你自己的事业，对吧? You were just using me to further your own career, weren't you?
嗯…是的。 Well... yeah.
我和你的关系是一个商业决定 My relationship with you was a business decision...
这个也是。这都是生意。 and so is this. It's all just business.
哇。 Wow.
嗯,好吧。 Well, okay then.
我猜……我想就这样了。 I guess... I guess that's it.
祝你生活愉快。 Have a nice life.
哇! Whoa!
我不能让你走，艾尔，你知道的太多了。 I can't let you leave, Al. You know too much.
你在说什么? What are you talking about?
停止! Stop that!
我们本可以组成一个美好的团队， We could have made such a beautiful team,
你知道吗? and you know what?
我觉得比起麦当娜，我更喜欢怪人。 I decided I do like Weirdonna better than Madonnavic.
但现在一切都结束了。 But that's all over now.
我们的合伙关系正式解除。 Our partnership is officially dissolved.
再见,麦当娜。 Goodbye, Madonna.
<我>是的。我有很多的灵魂探索要做 Yeah. I had a lot of soul searching to do.
我是模仿歌手吗?一个原始艺术家? Was I a parody singer? An original artist?
世界上最危险的刺客? The most dangerous assassin in the world?
也许我迷路了 Maybe I had lost my way.
不要误会我，有些东西 Don't get me wrong, there were things
我喜欢成为Weird Al。 I loved about being Weird Al.
名声，金钱， The fame, the money,
豪华晚宴，加入光照派， the fancy dinners, joining the Illuminati,
去光照派的节日派对， going to the Illuminati holiday party,
了解登月和肯尼迪的真相。 learning the truth about the moon landing and JFK.
但是没有我的家庭，这一切都不重要 But without my family, none of that mattered.
我知道我必须做什么 I knew what I had to do.
就是这样，非常简单。 There it is, pretty simple.
当灯变绿时，你把这个曲柄往左转。 When the light turns green, you turn this crank to the left.
当它变成红色时，你停下来，把这个杠杆拉下来。 When it turns red, you stop and pull this lever down.
当它再次变成绿色时，你把这个杠杆推上去 When it turns green again, you push this lever up
把曲柄向右转。 and turn this crank back to the right.
是的，差不多就是这样。午餐时间是12:30。 Yep, that's about it. Lunch is at 12:30.
我能问你个问题吗? Hey, can I ask you a question?
确定。 Sure.
我们在这里做什么? What do we make here?
你老爸说你很有趣。 Your old man said you was funny.
这是一个好问题。“我们在这里做什么?” That's a good one. "What do we make here?"
别人的帮助!我的腿! Somebody help! My leg!
哦,嗯… Oh, uh...
这是燃烧的我!哦,我的腿! It's burning me! Oh, my leg!
啊!啊!它燃烧! Ahh! Ahh! It burns!
嘿。 Hey.
清洁人员到控制室。 Cleanup crew to the control room.
你有空吗? You got a minute?
好吧,什么? Well, what?
你想试试吗，老家伙? You want to take a swing, old man?
不。 No.
只是…你在这里做什么? Just... what are you doing here?
我在这里做什么?真的吗? ! What am I doing here? Really?!
我这辈子，想做的就是取悦你， All my life, all I wanted to do is please you,
但我永远都不够。 but I was never enough.
你总是对你古怪的儿子失望。 You were always disappointed in your weird son.
所以我放弃了最成功的事业 So yeah, I gave up the most successful career
在这个可怜的工厂里工作 in music history to come work at this miserable factory
因为这是你一直想要的 because it's what you've always wanted
怎么，对你来说还不够吗? and what, it is still not enough for you?
我很感激你所做的一切。 I appreciate what you're doing.
这不是适合你的生活。 This isn't the life for you.
哦,什么?所以我现在连摇头晃脑都不擅长了。 Oh, what? So I'm not even good at turning cranks now.
不，阿尔弗雷德，我不是这个意思。 No, Alfred, that's not what I'm saying.
那你在说什么? What are you saying, then?
我不该挡你的路。 I was wrong to stand in your way.
这不是你应该做的。 This isn't what you were meant for.
你是特别的。 You're special.
你是怪阿尔，你是我儿子。 You're Weird Al, and you're my son.
我,呃… And I'm, uh...
我为你骄傲。 I'm proud of you.
你在做什么? What are you doing?
爸爸! Dad!
是啊，那绝对是经典。 Yeah, that's an absolute classic.
唷。 Whew.
妈妈告诉我你在和那个歌手麦当娜约会。 Well, so Mom tells me you're dating that singer Madonna.
不，我们分手了。 Oh, um, no, we-we broke up.
哦，对不起，亲爱的。发生了什么事? Oh, I'm sorry, honey. What happened?
是的。这很复杂没办法。 Yeah. It's-it's complicated.
好了,别担心。天涯何处无芳草。 Well, don't worry. There's plenty of other fish in the sea.
那么，那么，它是什么样的?做你是什么感觉? So, so, what is it like? What's it like being you?
你知道的，世界著名巨星之类的? You know, world famous superstar and all?
这很有趣，但压力也很大。 Well, um, it's-it's fun, but it's also a lot of pressure.
对我来说最难的部分就是创作新歌。 The hardest part for me is just coming up with new songs.
我永远不知道我的下一个想法会从何而来。 I-I never know where my next idea's gonna come from.
是啊，说实话，我都不知道自己还有没有勇气。 And yeah, I-I honestly, I don't know if I have it in me anymore.
哦,无稽之谈。我相信下一个伟大的想法 Oh, nonsense. I'm sure that next big idea
就在你面前。 is just right there in front of you.
你可能已经注意到我胖了一点。 Well, you may have noticed I've put on a little weight.
别傻了，妈。你看起来很好。 Don't be silly, Ma. You look great.
你做什么,亲爱的。我觉得你胖了几磅看起来很好。 You do, dear. I think you look wonderful with a few extra pounds.
我觉得你很丰满。 I think you're pleasingly plump.
哦,尼克。你知道我很胖。 Oh, Nick. You know I'm fat.
我很胖，你知道的。 I'm fat, you know it.
什么? What?
哇。 Wow.
爸爸，我能问你件事吗? Dad, can I ask you something?
妈妈告诉我，从小到大，你总是有你的理由 Mom told me growing up, you always had your reasons
谢谢你对我这么严厉。 for being so hard on me.
我想是时候了，亲爱的。 I think it's time, dear.
好吧。 All right.
哦,哇。 Oh, whoa.
我都写下来了。这应该能解释一切。 I wrote it all down. This should explain everything.
好吧，你有相册吗 Okay, do you have maybe a-a photo album
或者我们可以一起过一遍要点? or we can just go through the bullet points together?
我没有相册，但我有一本速写本。 I don't have a photo album, but I have a sketchbook.
速写本吗? A sketchbook?
你看，我们没有任何摄像头 You see, we didn't have any cameras
在我成长的过程中，因为…… when I was growing up because...
我是阿米绪人。 I was raised Amish.
什么,真的吗? What, really?
是的。我从小是阿米绪人。 Yep. I grew up Amish.
我生命的前16年都住在社区里 Lived in the community for the first 16 years of my life.
坦白地说，我不认为我真的适合 And frankly, I don't think I ever really fit in
，因为，如果我是诚实的， because, well, if I'm being honest,
当我还是个孩子的时候，我和你一样古怪 I was just as weird as you when I was a kid.
是的，我甚至为赞美诗编了新词 Yeah, I even made up new words to the hymns
我们在教堂礼拜时唱的歌 that we sang during church service.
这不是很好。 That didn't go over too well.
那个男孩永远也学不会 That boy will never learn.
然后当我再大几岁的时候， And then when I was a few years older,
我能够继续流浪。 I was able to go on rumspringa.
我终于有机会到外面的大千世界去了 I finally had a chance to go out into the great big world
，看它能提供什么 and see what it had to offer.
就在那时，我看到了我生命中的挚爱， And that's when I saw the love of my life,
1933精益求精的<我>, a 1933 Excelsior,
是曾经有过的最好的手风琴 the finest accordion there ever was.
花光了我在这个世界上的每一分钱，但这是值得的 Cost me every penny I had in the world, but it was worth it.
等等，你有手风琴吗? So wait-wait-wait, you had an accordion?
我做了，我做了，我也做得很好。 I did, I did, I did, I was pretty good at it too.
我还不错。我一点也不差。 I was not bad. I was not bad at all.
我以为我是你一生的挚爱。 I thought I was the love of your life.
哦，亲爱的，请你晚一点来。无论如何…… Oh, honey, you come later, please. Anyway...
所以，我试了好几个月才做到 So, I tried for months to make it
作为一个专业音乐家， as a professional musician,
但这只是在上帝的计划之外 but it just wasn't in God's plan.
<我>我要离开这儿! Get outta here!
我醒着的每一刻都在嘲笑失败 Failure mocked me at every waking moment.
嘿，那里，挤压盒子。 Hey, there, squeeze box.
我知道我必须放弃我的梦想 I knew that I had to give up my dream
，回到我曾经知道的唯一的生活 and go back to the only life that I'd ever known.
但当我试图回到阿米绪社区， But when I tried to come back to the Amish community,
好吧，当他们看到那个压缩框时， well, the second they saw that squeeze box,
我立即被开除了，永远被驱逐了 I was immediately ex-communicated, banished forever.
我的整个世界都被扯离了 My whole world was torn away from me.
我所知道的是我从来不想看到 All I knew was I never wanted to see
又一个手风琴，只要我活着 another accordion again, for as long as I lived.
所以我在工厂找到了一份工作， So I got a job at the factory,
我知道在那里你可以得到诚实的一天的工资 a place where I knew you could get an honest day's wages
为了诚实地工作一天 for an honest day's work.
就在那时我遇到了… And that's when I met...
我生命中的真爱。 the true love of my life.
你的母亲。 Your mother.
哇。 Wow.
爸爸,我……我从来都不知道。 Dad, I... I never knew.
你当然没有。你怎么能，我都告诉你了。 Of course you didn't. How could you, I just told you.
我只是，整个故事是关于… I just, the whole story was about...
不管怎么说,看, Anyway, look,
儿子，我希望你能原谅我，我希望你能理解我。 son, I hope that you can forgive me and I hope you understand.
我失去了一切，我不想要你 I lost everything and I didn't want you
遭受同样悲惨的命运。 to suffer the same sad fate.
我不想让你的梦想破灭， I didn't want you to get your dreams crushed,
所以我觉得我应该粉碎你的想法 so I thought I should crush your ideas
才能变成梦。 before they could turn into dreams.
是的，有道理。 Yeah, that makes sense.
哦。 Oh.
哦,那没什么。你可以直接把它扔了，那… Oh, that's nothing. You can just throw that thing out, that's...
——“阿米什天堂?”-不，把它撕成小块 - "Amish Paradise?" - Nope, just tear that up in little pieces
-然后把它扔掉。——爸爸。 - and get rid of that. - Dad.
这些是歌词吗? Are these song lyrics?
那只是我前阵子写的蠢话。 That's just something stupid I wrote a while ago.
没关系。你可以… It doesn't matter. You can just...
不不不，爸爸，这些歌词… No, no, no, Dad, these lyrics...
它们就像通往你灵魂的窗户。 they're like a window into your soul.
我觉得我从没像现在这样和你如此亲密过 I don't think I've ever felt more connected to you than this
在我的一生中。 in my entire life.
我还没机会亲自表演呢 Well, I never had the chance to perform it myself
因为梦想早已破灭。 because the dream had already died.
我想也许有一天，但算了，算了。 I thought maybe someday, but no, never mind.
不要紧。我想没人会听到这首歌。 Never mind. I guess no one will ever hear this song.
就是这样!就是这样! That's it! That's it!
妈妈! Mom!
一分钟前你说什么，关于胖? What did you say like a minute ago, about being fat?
我们现在在做别的事情。 We're onto something else now.
我们刚刚还挺开心的，孩子。 We were kind of having a moment here, son.
看了房间。 Read the room.
是的，我是说，我写了这本书，做了整件事。 Yeah, I mean, I wrote the book and did the whole thing.
——阿飞!——绘画。 - Alfy! - The drawing.
听你爸爸说话! Listen to your father when he's talking!
你有什么印象吗? Does anything register with you?
你能看见我的嘴唇在动吗?没有什么能打动你。 Can you see my lips moving? Nothing gets through to you.
伙计，我应该保留出版的权利。 Man, I should a kept the publishing rights.
哟! Yecch!
你能回来真是太好了，伙计。 It is so good to have you back, man.
是啊，我开始想念那个奇怪的了。 Yeah, I was starting to miss the weird one.
天啊，我真不敢相信我对你们说过这些话。 Oh god, I cannot believe I ever said that to you guys.
我非常非常抱歉。 I am so, so sorry.
嘿，你是个艺术家。 Hey, you're an artist.
成为一个虐待狂是整个过程的一部分。 Being an abusive jerk is all part of the process.
是啊，说出一个有创造力的天才 Yeah, name me one creative genius
这并没有什么曲折的过去 that doesn't have a checkered past
涉及毒品酒精和杀人狂怒 involving drugs, alcohol and a murderous rampage
穿过丛林的中心。 through the heart of the jungle.
是的，我想你是对的。 Yeah, I guess you're right.
我太爱你们了! I love you guys so much!
是的,是的。我们在外面见。 Yeah, yeah. See you out there.
D博士，你来了! Dr. D, you came!
我当然来了。我无论如何也不会错过的。 Of course I came. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
不用说，你太棒了。 And well, needless to say, you were amazing.
谢谢你！还有，我真的想说我对待你的方式… Thank you. And I-I also, I really wanna say the way I treated you...
停止。我要打断你一下，好吗? Stop. I'm gonna stop you right there, okay?
没有必要道歉。 No apologies necessary.
我一直在想你说的话， I have been thinking a lot about what you said,
然后我意识到，艾尔 and I realized, Al, that...
你就像我的儿子一样… you are like a son to me and, uh...
我从来没有真正有过自己的孩子，所以… Well, I never really had any children of my own, so, uh...
我想收养你。 I want to adopt you.
你愿意做我的儿子吗? Will you be my son?
哇。 Wow.
嗯,你……我…我刚和我爸和好了。 Um, you... I... I just made up with my dad.
你d…你做了吗? You d... You did?
-是的。——这就是,哇。好的。 - Yeah. - That's, wow. Okay.
是的。是的，我们谈过了。 Yeah. So yeah, we-we talked.
——哇。-我们现在都没事了 - Wow. - We're-we're all good now.
酷,最酷的。太好了。 Cool, the coolest. That's great.
——太好了。-太棒了。 - That's great. - It is great.
哦,好! Oh, good!
-是的。——酷。 - Yeah. - Cool.
哇，太酷了。 Wow, that's so cool.
这是很酷的。这是很酷。 That's really cool. That's so cool.
我的，我的类别马上就要出来了， My, my category is coming up really soon,
我想，我该去换衣服了? I think, so I should probably go change?
你应该……哦，你该走了。是的,当然。 You should... Oh, you should go. Yeah, definitely.
见到你真高兴。 It's so good to see you.
-非常感谢你的到来。——好的。 - Thank you so much for coming. - Okay.
——太好了。当心——好的。 - So good. Take care. - All right.
请欢迎格莱美奖得主戴安娜·罗斯上台 Please welcome to the stage Grammy Award winner Diana Ross,
和洲际世界自然基金会冠军浩克·霍根。 and Intercontinental WWF Champion Hulk Hogan.
作为艺术家，我们学会通过乐器来表达自己。 As artists, we learn to express ourselves through our instruments.
路易斯·阿姆斯特朗有他的小号，吉米·亨德里克斯有他的吉他。 Louis Armstrong had his trumpet and Jimi Hendrix had his guitar.
我的乐器就是我的声音。 And well, my instrument is my voice.
没错,戴安娜。 That's right, Diana.
我的仪器是这些24英寸长的蟒蛇。 And my instruments are these 24-inch pythons.
哇! Whoo!
不,不,玛丽。那是个油腔滑舌的人。 No, no, Mary. That's an oily man.
现在，颁发你们期待已久的奖项。 And now, the award you've all been waiting for.
在“技术上可能不是最好的”的类别中 In the category of "Perhaps Not Technically the Best
但可以说是最著名的手风琴手 But Arguably the Most Famous Accordion Player
这是一种非常特殊的音乐类型。” in an Extremely Specific Genre of Music."
这个奖的获得者是… And the award goes to...
<我>“奇怪的Al”Yankovic ! "Weird Al" Yankovic!
噢,谢谢你。 Oh, thank you.
谢谢你！谢谢你！哦，这太不可思议了。 Thank you. Thank you. Oh, this is incredible.
这个奖对我来说意义重大， This award means so much to me,
在数十亿观众的注视下 and in front of all the billions of people watching
我想说的是… around the world right now, all I want to say is...
看,爸爸?我告诉你! see, Dad? I told you!
<我>是啊!打你的脸，老家伙! Yeah! In your face, old man!
嗯? Huh?
今晚在场的人太多了，我要感谢他们。 There are so many people here tonight that I need to thank.
是他们成就了我，成就了我 People who mean the world to me and who made me
今天的我 everything that I am today.
但他们知道自己是谁，我以后会私下感谢他们的。 But they know who they are, and I'm gonna thank them all later privately.
好了，我要把东西收拾一下。我没有多少时间了。 Okay, I'm just gonna wrap things up. I don't have much time left.
我…你知道，我会在这里待很长一段时间。 I... Y'know, I'm gonna be around for a good long time.
你不用担心这个。 You don't have to worry about that.
你不会那么容易就摆脱我的。 You're not gonna get rid of me that easy.
-等你的信号。——<我>支持。 - Waiting on your signal. - Stand by.
但在我剩下的几秒钟里，我只想说… But in my remaining few seconds, I just wanna say...
过你想要的生活。 live the life you wanna live.
你知道，想怎么怪就怎么怪。 You know, be as weird as you wanna be.
相信我，你永远也找不到真正的幸福 Believe me, you will never find true happiness
直到你能真正接受自己。 until you can truly accept who you are.
此时此地，站在你们所有人面前， And standing before all of you, right here, right now,
我可以诚实地说，我从来没有这么快乐过 I can honestly say I have never been more happy
或者是我这辈子最骄傲的一次。 or more proud in my entire life.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
谢谢你！谢谢你！ Thank you! Thank you!
把枪。 Take the shot.
人参公鸡! Nooo!
<我>哇,过人的结局! Wow, fake-out ending!
<我> Awwwwww、双过人! Awwwwww, double fake-out!